Who Will Listen?

I started this blog with the intent of using it for many different reasons, one of which was to "vent". As I sit down to type now, however, I am realizing that there are some issues that are too personal to vent about on a blog. Where does that leave me?

The closest people to me, apart from my husband, are on the other side of the country. We email, and when they are able to make the lengthy drive into town, they check their email and write me back. However, they don't have cell phone reception or Internet access where they are currently living, so communication is very limited.

There is so much going on in my life right now. There are times that I feel like I am losing my mind. We are in escrow on the sale of our home for the second time with the same buyer. This has now been a 6 month ordeal. We won't know for sure whether or not our move is really going to happen until we close on March 21st. It is putting a lot of stress on our marriage and home life, even though Paul and I both are trying to be at peace with it all and put our trust in God to see it through.

Silas has been fussier lately. I'm not sure if he is going through another growth spurt, has teeth coming in, or might be coming down with something. He has been a lot more tired during the day, and when he is awake, he is very whiny and needy (for him, that is -- he is usually an extremely happy, smiley little guy). Tristan came home from his birth mom's house this evening, and must have been pretty tired himself. Almost right away, we were having trouble with him being very moody with us.

Both boys are in bed now, and Paul is working in his office. Normally, this is about the time I would pick up the phone and call my mom or my sister and give them a detailed account of my day and how discouraged I am feeling, but I can't. So, where do I turn? Who will listen?

Then it hit me. Is this what I'm to be taught, God? Did it really require moving my family 3,000 miles to get my attention? Please forgive me, Lord. I have put You last, where You should have been first.

In those moments when I am most desperate and my emotions are so raw, those are the moments I ought to approach the throne of grace. There is not one human being who can heal my hurt, not one person on earth that can calm the storm. Who is Sovereign? There is only One, and He wants to meet with me in these moments. Why do I so seldom go to Him?

... I will post again soon. For now, I have a date with my Savior.